Reality leaves a lot to the Imagination.

I don't have the courage to face reality, so I get lost in my dreams.

I don't want to be a fancy Computer Scientist, or even a programmer, developer whatsoever. I want to be a Journalist, idk. I want to travel and learn the history of every place I could go. World History, Countries, Languages, it turns me on. I want to work on National Geography or maybe Discovery Channel. That is what I want, I dreamed about. BUT. I have to be, shall I say need to be a Computer jerk/dork/dope, to earn cash. FML. I had started it, and make the most of it. Reality bites. I wish/hope I didn't enrolled in this Hell Course, but there's no other choice. I have to make it big with this industry/career I'm taking up, to earn money, to learn and finance myself to study again for my lost dream. Fuck you Computer Science!

I didn't want to be on my own.

I miss you. It's undeniable.

He stills see the beauty in me and still falls more in love with me after seeing my weird facial expressions, unusual laugh, constant BITCHING, ugly days, pig out days, the way I drool and snore in my sleep, my stupid jokes, the way I ask questions about things I should already know the answers to but he answers them anyway, my obsession with strange things, and my IMMATURITY. I already knew HE is the Guy. I love you.

Oh, Amore. It hurts so bad.

If it's meant to be, It will be.

You know that feeling? When you're just waiting. Waiting for nothing. That feeling of hate and love. Mixed up. Something is wrong. And I guess, something's right either. Should I? I'm tired. Tired of everything, tired of nothing. I want someone to be here and tell me it's okay. But no one's gonna be here. Yeah right. I have to be strong because no one's gonna fix me. Just me. I'm so pissed off. I just have a lot of feelings.

Happy birthday little brother!

Happy 9th birthday Mak Douglas. We love you!

I am sarcastic. PARANOID. self-conscious. indecisive.

Can't go through life without getting paranoid.

I get so paranoid after everything we did. My mind plays tricks on me and I hate it. I am always on the edge. I don't want to feel this way again. Not now. tomorrow. next week. month. I really can't help it, I think about us always, and think what, if and why. 

Posted TIME.

Not the right time. What the heck blogger? AM? but it's actually PM. Grrr. Pissed off.

Ace.

Though our communication wanes at times of absence, I'm aware of a strength that emanates in the background.

I miss you so much, bestfriend. I'm very sorry. I never stopped trying to be your bestfriend again. I did not lost interest, like I didn't care, but I do care.

Leaving me. Again.

I know you can't stay, but I wish you would. And I hate waiting for the next weekend to have you back.

I miss your skin on my skin.

You’ll wear me like a second skin.  Every inch of you buried within.

Fighting the urge to make love with him was like losing a  battle. So we did it, it was a pleasurable and consensual love. It's different with him. He'd always wrap his arms around me. We lay there for hours,  talking and giggling, wrapped around each other, like for eternity. And it felt so right.

Abstinence?

What we want and what we are trying to escape, are sometimes the very same thing.

I'm generally confused, most of the time.

I don't quite know how to say how I feel.

Dazed and Confused. Just the words I can ponder.

Do I have to?

I'm sorry I'm a grumpy bitch.

A heartbreaking day.

I acted like it wasn't a big deal, when really it was breaking my heart.